Singleness

Introduction

I know a lot of women and also men look at being single as a setback or a curse. Like gosh…why do I have to be alone while everyone else is in love? This is the question I asked myself a lot when I was younger. You start to think well what’s wrong with me? Why can’t I keep a healthy relationship? When will my time come? I remember when I was at this cross roads in life where I asked these same exact questions. Back in 2011 I was fresh out of a very frustrating relationship. You know one of those relationships where you try and try and try to make it work but God is not co-signing y’all being together so you extra frustrated lol. Yeah that was me in 2011. It was my first time being completely single in over six years. My frustration was at an all-time high because of my resentment over my recent breakup and I really did not know how to be completely alone as a single women. It was uncomfortable for me. It didn’t feel normal to not date someone. Little did I know I was beginning the first phases of the waiting period. At first I did try to prevent my loneness just by having someone there. In some strange way I felt like this would fill that empty space; but truth be told I was still unfulfilled, still confused, still had a lot of hurt and pain and was still VERY MUCH SINGLE. I could not understand why my soul felt so empty. I couldn’t explain this emptiness in words to other people because of the fear of me being misunderstood. This was the point in my life were I discovered that the only thing that could completely heal me and cure my loneness was a solid relationship with God. He was what I needed and longed for. He was the substance I needed to fill in that emptiness that I carried around all those years. Romans 15:13 states “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the POWER of the Holy Spirit, you may abound in hope.” Within this new found power I was able to begin my process of waiting………

Dating

So let’s back track to when I first became single. Purity was not really in my frame of mind. I wanted to date but not practice abstinence. I also did not have a full understanding of who I was supposed to be as a single godly woman. I had yet to discover my identity in Christ. I mean I knew my value was suppose to be far above rubies but I didn’t see it nor really understood what that scripture really embodied (Proverbs 31:10). After my first few months of singleness I decide to practice abstinence for six months. This meant no friends with benefits and no side pieces on reserve lol. I really don’t know why I was lead to do this but I believe this was God directing me down the path of modesty, purity and sanctification. It actually was not as hard as I thought. I asked a lot of the people around me would they be able to do it and I was shocked at how people thought it was nearly impossible to just abstain; almost as if it’s a human necessity. Towards the end of my abstinence God spoke to me and told me to continue to abstain. I so did not understand his reasoning for telling me this at the time. I said “God……it’s going to be twice as hard for me to date now that I’m not giving anything up” lol. God’s response to my statement was so clear to me. God told me “That is the point my child, it is supposed to be.” Let me tell you this conversation stuck with me all this time. God cares so much about your personal life and your purity that he doesn’t want you to defile yourself with sin. I Corinthians 6:20 states “For God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.” This process was easy for me to continue because I had a made up mind that I was going to do things differently this time. I was going to take a different route and obey God…….

Celibate Lifestyle

I have received so many questions about being celibate from other people. One of the most common responses I received was “OMGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!”  LOL. Here’s the thing about abstinence that many people don’t understand. Abstinence is a LIFE STYLE!!!! It’s all about how you live on a day to day basis. What you do in your spare time is very critical during this process. Two things you should practice when being celibate is not putting yourself in tempting situations and having a strong prayer life. When I say tempting situations, I mean when you getting that one text at 11pm to come and just chill; or watch a movie lol. Even though you may feel like Superwoman and you are invincible, you don’t want to give the devil a free opportunity to trick you. Your mind may be strong but the flesh can be equally weak. Having a strong prayer life for me was being able to talk to God on a regular basis. God wants to hear from you!!! He wants that relationship with you so desperately that the only way he can get your attention is for you to be completely alone. I prayed to God everyday about my frustrations, about my singleness and about me as a woman. Psalms 55:22 states “Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and He shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.” Being able to cast my burdens and frustration to God enabled me to have so much peace in the mist of my circumstance. It taught me that even though I’m single I’m not alone in this thing. Keep in mind I was the only one around me that was on this journey, so I wasn’t able to relate to the folks around me. I didn’t have a point of reference besides the Bible. So there were a lot of frustrating moments that made me seek God even more…….

Single Life Lessons

Although it may be hard to believe, I have really enjoyed and still enjoy my single life as a Christian woman. Several things that this season has taught me is obedience, self-control, how important my relationship is with the Heavenly Father and most importantly it has taught me what my equal is in a companion. These four subjects I will cover in later blog posts. Please feel free to leave any comments and even share your life experiences below. I love hearing and relating to other people’s experiences.

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